Friday, May 03, 2013

And just like that..

So, Sir left. With all of the crying and blubbering I had done in the months leading up to this and the FEAR I felt at going at this "alone", I thought I'd have been a huge mess when it actually came time to part ways.

 I wasn't. I welled up with tears a few times...but only a few spilled out and down over my cheeks where he'd catch and gently wipe them away. I guess I was pretty much cried out by then. We snuck away for a little bit of privacy because who wants to hug and kiss and cry in front of everyone? Not me. I took a few pictures (am I the queen of self-portraits by now or what? hahaha!) before sending him on his way. Not goodbye. We said, "see you later" because we will. He headed back but turned around one last time. We waved. I shouted, "I love you!" and he was gone. Just like that...he was gone.

 I'm not entirely sure how I made the 20 minute drive home (and apparently to Wendy's first because it was 2pm and I hadn't even had breakfast). My head was buzzing. Everything felt foggy. I felt completely out of it...but focused on the road at the same time. No tears have spilled since. I've welled up...but no spillage quite yet. I think when it becomes clearer that he's in Afghanistan and not in the field, I'll cry more. I think that when the kids stop tiptoeing around me and start acting like their wild selves again, I'll beg for mercy and a break and there won't be a man to say, "babe, go take a break...I'll handle the kids" and then I'll cry.

 Adjusting. We're all adjusting. I said on Facebook that it's comparable to the feeling a house has when a new baby is added to the mix. You know that...buzzy...quiet...strange feeling that comes with a new baby? That's exactly what this feels like..except, I have no new baby and my husband is gone.


We'll be okay. All 5 of us.

5 comments:

Saint Holiday said...

The Hero will end the war in a week and be back home before you know it. The Taliban heard he was coming, and they've packed and left the country.

Jenna said...

I know it's not exactly the same, but that's how it was for me when Lyndsay moved away to college. I cried most of her Senior year, and I really went through all the emotions so thoroughly, so sentimentally, that by the time it was time to let her go, I had a sad moment looking at her face for the last time before leaving her there alone, but then I didn't cry on the way home really. A touch when I got into the car and realized I had "done it", but once I got home and got back to life, I felt okay. The anticipation was so much more painful. I've had a couple of emotional times where some tears have spilled when I've been reminded of her childhood, which is gone, or I've seen her friends and she's not with them, but the months leading up were so much harder. I'm glad you and Orion made the most of the time you had together. You are one strong woman, and one lucky woman, and before you know it, you'll be crying happy tears and taking more self-portraits for two. Love you so much.

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Sarah said...

Aww, Abby! You are so strong! I honestly don't know how you do it! I believe there were special women placed on this earth for the purpose of being an army wife. I'm sitting here blubbering just reading about how you had to send your husband away. (Pregnancy hormones may be partly to blame..) You amaze me! He'll be back before you know it, but in the meantime, you've totally got this! Love you!

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